im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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