We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
