Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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