I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
