Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
