Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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