Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize