You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
