I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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