no. you can't hotbox the world.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
