Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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