He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize