What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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