i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
