i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i dont even know how to be here
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
