Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
