Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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