i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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