I puked a lego.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
