I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
