I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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