Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
