I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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