if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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