Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize