I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
