I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can text with my tongue
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
