I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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