First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
