Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
