The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know her cup size but not her name....
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