ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
