THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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