This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize