he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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