you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
