whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
