Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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