Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
