Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
