And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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