ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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