yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
