I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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