I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
