FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
