Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
