He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
