I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
