do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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