Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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