well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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