i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
