I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
