Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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