I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
