So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
