I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
