i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
