I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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