Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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