He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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