my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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