I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
