allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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