i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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