Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Randomize
