Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
