Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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