so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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